Strength in Despair

Dear God,



They say in times of trouble, count your blessings and thank You no matter how small those blessings are. I am in a tough situation, I am nearing desperation but I still want to take time to thank You.



Thank you for my husband, Gerald. He, I think, is the best companion a woman can ever have. Despite what we are going through, he can still make me laugh and he makes me forget the problems we are facing. Marriage is so much easier with him.



Thank you for my son, Joaqui. My adorable son, who alleviates all the pain and the stress I am dealing with. His smile alone makes me feel heaven.



Thank you for keeping us healthy especially Joaqui. I'd be shattered if my son gets sick.



Thank you for my job, no matter how sickening it can be sometimes. Thank you for the new job I'd be taking next week. Looking for a good company to work for is tough already, but I made it!



Thanks for giving me friends. Friends who can laugh with me and laugh at me without judging me. Thanks for making them real.



Thanks for giving me life, even if sometimes I want to end it, I still think living in this world is something to be cherished.



Thanks for the strength. Day by day, I struggle. Each morning I wake up contending strenuously with problems. Problems that left me with my dignity down the drain.



Sometimes I get tired of going forward, expending great energy but no matter what I do I can't seem to find the answers to my problems. But You have been there to hold my hand to keep me strong and still smiling.



But today, I feel weak. I feel that I am losing my faith but then I realize if I stop holding on to You, then where can I hold on to. I cannot make myself fall. I know You will not make me fall.

I implore to you Lord, reach out to me and hear my plead. It feels like I am holding on to a cliff and slowly my fingers are drifting off, each finger lifted up from where I am hanging to. I don't know until when I can hang on.



I don't want to give up.